coincidence?

My Dad passed away.  I have to admit I  kinda knew it was coming.  I am a nurse and I could see signs for about 6 months before.  It was one of those situations where the logical/nurse side of me saw signs but the daughter in me didn't want to accept it.  There is such a huge weight that existed in those six months.  It was an emotional toll that I didn't realize until he passed.  I didn't realize that in the back of my mind for the past six months my Dad has been there.  His illness stressed me and changed me over the past six months.  It was exacerbated the last four months.  He was in and out of the hospital and requiring more assistance at home with each discharge.  My mom was amazing.  She cared for him the way any devoted spouse would.  She was exhausted beyond what any normal person could tolerate.  I have no idea how she did it.  My entire family was stressed.  I think it is more of a helpless roller coaster.  It's like you want him to be comfortable, you want to decrease his suffering but you want him back the way he was.  I wanted him to laugh again, to talk to me like we did so many times while riding horses. The most painful thing to do is watch someone die.  I am an emergency room nurse so watching the process slowly occur over weeks is just torture.  It is foreign to me.  I have coping mechanisms to how this works. I don't build relationships with my patients, I sometimes don't know their names.  I don't want to hear their spouses plead and cry.  It tears me apart.  So, I just build this wall to maintain my ability to work.
But, my father's death...it was terrible but at the same time it was with dignity, peace, and comfort.  He was admitted to the hospital that I work.  Every morning when I would get off work I would go up and sit with him, helping hime with breakfast.  I would go home after he ate, sleep for a while then come back up before work to help him with his dinner.  This process would repeat every time he was in my hospital.  His last admission he became quite lucid.  With his disease process he had severe confusion and with this admission it seemed he finally got turned around with the medications and disease and he was able to understand.  The doctor came in that morning and sat with us, telling Dad that he didn't expect him to live more than 6 months.  The number of times I have heard these talks still didn't change the huge pound that my chest felt.  It was as if I was punched in the chest.  I couldn't breathe for a moment.  It wasn't as if I didn't suspect this.  It was just the finality of it and the sureness of it and the fact that for once my Dad had a period of lucidness and it was going to be spent comprehending this news.  I tried my hardest not to cry.  I wanted to be strong for him.  I wanted to be the nurse that could answer the questions he had.  But there I was, his daughter, his youngest daughter - heartbroken.  Realizing that this is the worst news anyone could hear.
What do you do when someone says that.  It's like knowing the inevitable and thinking...what now?  Where do you start? What has suddenly become important?
I sat with Dad for several hours.  Listening to him talk, recording his talking, only to delete it.  It was as if I wanted to record him talking to hear him say it's ok, but deleted it because it was him understanding.  He accepted it.  He didn't even cry.  I held it together as long as I could but eventually broke down.  He hugged me just like my Dad always did.  I felt so selfish for crying.  I wasn't dying but I was the one crying.  I listened to him talk until he became so tired he just wanted to sleep.  Our nurses were so respectful, peeking in the door to see us talking then staying away.  When he finally slept, I left, explaining to them our talk, watching them tear up, then I went home.  I talked to my husband, asked his advice, woke my sister to tell her what the doctor said.  I called my Aunt to go tell my Mom since she lives a few hours away.  I debated on how to tell my other sister.  She is the one with the biggest heart about things.  I knew she would take it hard and I knew I couldn't tell her over the phone.  I couldn't tell her at all actually.
That evening Dad was well.  He was expecting to be out of the hospital the next day and was planning to not return.  He wanted to stay at home.  The hospital staff was helping him prepare for that transition with hospice care.
He was discharge from the hospital with my mom at his side. They came to my house to sit and adjust for a few hours.  My dog who has known my Dad for his entire 10 year life acted uncharacteristically.  Upon seeing my Dad he crawled up into his lap and gave him kisses on his face.  This is uncharacteristic because my dog, Ritz,  is a 115 pound Giant Schnauzer with a bit of an arrogant side.  It was as if he knew.
Dad went home and over the next three weeks his health and life would slip away in heartbreaking fashion.  He would have days of sleeping and minimal response and days of restlessness and periods of lucidness.  Then it arrived.  My mom sent an email at 7am.  I was at work.  She sent an email that she called the hospice nurse in the middle of the night.  She said she was scared Dad wasn't going to make it.  She said it seemed he had gotten much worse.  Again, my heart sank.  I showed the email to one of my bosses, sat in her office and tried to just think about what to do.  I told her I wasn't sure when I would be back to work and to find coverage for me and my sister. (we both work in the same department)   I got home, told my husband, we packed our bags and our dogs and went to my parents house.  We arrived that Wednesday morning to find my Dad comatose.  He would respond to painful stimuli when we repositioned him but otherwise he didn't respond. Dad's brother was there until about noon on Wednesday but couldn't take it any longer.  He had to leave.  He couldn't see his final sibling die.  He hugged each of us and asked us not to call him.  He wouldn't return.
 I brought Ritz in to see him.  Ritz immediately went up to Dad's hospital bed, licked his hand several times, he rested his big head on Dad's upper arm/shoulder and just stared at Dad's face.  It was absolutely heartbreaking.  He knew.
I made phone calls to family, the priest and the funeral home.  We started to make arrangements for the inevitable.  The priest would arrive that evening to perform my Dad's Last Rites.  I had never been apart of a Last Rites ceremony before.  I had also never met this priest.  Dad's nephew, who had been over every day since Dad returned home was, of course, there.  He called all his children to be present for the Last Rites too.  A close friend of Mom and Dad's came over as well.  My sisters were there and my Mom's sister.   The priest arrived, performed the most beautiful ceremony, explained how it was like confession for those that could not confess.  It was beautiful, heartbreaking but beautiful.  I will always remember the way the priest touched Dad, caressed his head and kissed his head.  His care and compassion was amazing.  When we all finally dried our tears we sat with Dad around the living room, sharing stories about him.  We laughed and cried.
Thursday my Mom and sister went to the funeral home to make plans.  Steve, the director was amazing.   His kindness was palpable and admirable.  He somehow made us laugh through our tears.   We went home feeling still as if we were just preparing.  That night at about 3am we would all be awake sitting with Dad.  Watching him breath.  My sisters and I started to work on a poem for his funeral.  We didn't really like the scripture quotes or other poems that were available for his funeral program.  We sat for the next several hours writing versus.  We finally finished.  I showed my mom, she cried and said it was perfect.  I showed my husband, who agreed it was perfect.  I was called to the living room again by my sister.  My Dad had died.
It was just like that.  The poem was finished and he was gone.
He passed with my Mom, sisters and my husband with him.  My mom was heartbroken.  Her husband of 44 years was gone.  I couldn't understand the pain she was enduring.  I hoped I would never understand that pain.  We prayed the rosary, called the hospice nurse and cried.  I again, went and got Ritz.  He came in the house, went straight to Dad.  He put his big paw on Dad's leg.  He walked up and looked at his face.  He knew he was gone.  He immediately went to my Mom and almost climbed into her lap.  He stared at her face.  She just cried with his looks.
The next couple of days would be a whirlwind of people's faces, stories, and sympathies.
We were amazed by the kindness shown by every hospice nurse.  They arrived with a swooping compassion and support that cannot be described. The funeral home director, Steve was simply amazing.  He was caring, kind and gentle.  Even Duane at the flower shop was amazing.  He asked about our Dad and what he liked before he prepared the flowers.
We ended up adding as many personal touches as we could.  His flowers had a #1 racing blanket mixed in with them.  He will always be a racing man at heart.  He had the call to post played when he was carried up to his final resting place.  He always requested that. I always remember when we would talk about death he would always say...He wanted the call to post played and the old rugged cross.
We did both.  The old rugged cross was played at his visitation along with his Paul Simon Graceland songs.  Those were always his road trip songs and now he was on an amazing road trip.  We played the song that he and I danced to at my wedding - One Day at a Time by Christy Lane.  We also played the theme song from Lonesome Dove.  I remember my family watching that tv movie several years ago and all crying a different parts of it, instantly deeming it a classic.
At his graveside services we drove his truck and hounds up to the grave.  They sat quietly looking out the back at the funeral of their master.  It was heartbreaking to see his hounds so docile and calm.  It was as if they knew.
Over the course of the next couple of weeks I have left my dogs at Mom's.  They give her a little reassurance and noise while she is in the house alone.  My sisters and I have been with her all but a few days per week.  She has said several times that she thinks Ritz just stares at her knowing she is sad.  He does.  He has changed.  He sits near her and watches her when he isn't near her.  I can't help but think he is protecting her and helping her.
I have talked to several people that say there will be good times and bad.  I will cry at the most inopportune times and sometimes I will not know what has made me sad.  Well, it's all true.  I found myself this week crying over my eggs.  I was crying because I cook and cut my eggs just like my Dad. I also was crying because the last meal I made for my Dad was two eggs over easy with two pieces of toast.  He ate them like a champ!  So, I was crying over my eggs this week.  It was just a hard week for some reason.  Maybe because the void of my Dad being gone is becoming more real.  Knowing I won't hear him on my voicemail saying "Kelly, It's your Daddy"  ever again.
My hardest day was Tuesday morning.  I just cried that morning, over my eggs and just really was profoundly sad.
Wednesday I received a text from my best friend.  She has been my friend since we were in middle school.  She knew my Dad well.  She sent the following text.  "I had the most realistic dream about your Dad last night...I don't know what was going on but we were both uncontrollably crying and he had one arm around me and leaning over with his head on mine.  He was telling me everything was going to be ok.  It was so realistic"

I can't help but think this isn't a coincidence.  There were too many things associated with my Dad's death to think that it was coincidence.  His poem being finished just minutes before he passed, our animals behavior, and my friends dream just 12 hours from my profoundly sad day.

I will probably continue to use this blog as a way to remember.  Remember my Dad, my past, my faith, my struggles and those memories I never want to forget.

So what do you do when you fail?

So what do you do when you fail?  Did I fail?  Hmmm.  I guess I did.  I set out with a goal (possibly unrealistic) to read the bible chronologically in one year.  My chronological bible is 1,430 pages.  That breaks down to about 4 pages per day.  When put that way it seems so very easy to complete.  Four pages in one day - It wouldn't take long.  I'm a fast reader.  It wouldn't take long if I was only reading the pages.  The problem is understanding, interpreting, and relating those pages with my life.  Maybe not exactly my life but life in general.  I find that I am easily sidetracked.  I start reading....come across a fun word, a confusing word, a statement I've heard before and it gets me sidetracked.  I then spend an hour looking up the video for the singing bush from the three amigos.  Then I start to wonder, what other jokes have I missed?
Anyway, here I am sidetracked from my original topic.
My original topic is that I have picked up my bible a few times to only be distracted.  A recommendation from a few people was to read John.
John.
hmmmmmm  John
John is in the New Testament.......
hmmmmm.....
I was still in the old testament....A long way from the New Testament still.
Read John.
I am still hesitant.  It's been nearly a month from the initial suggestion to read John and I've read part of the first chapter. I read part of the first chapter then stopped.  I stopped and didn't pick it up again. 

Why am I hesitant?  Because it seems like there are many people that are so enthusiastic about the New Testament that they have practically ignored the Old Testament.  When I started to read the bible many people would stop me and tell me they thought I should read the New Testament first.  I heard his statement several times. This almost made it worse.  Like a defiant teenager it made me want to read the Old Testament. 

So when people continued to ask me to read John I remained and still remain hesitant.

The Path

So since I've been away for so long it's kinda hard to remember where exactly I left off and what was going on. 
I'm really regretting stopping because it was hard enough to figure out initially and now it just seems impossible since it has been kind of hard to follow. 
So I read my last post that was truly a summary of the readings and it was at the end of Judges.  After reading my post and a few highlights of Judges I'm ready to move on. 
According to my Chronological Study Bible Ruth is next then Samuel. 
I think I've read some of these but I don't remember much so I will be re-reading if I have already. 

Posts to come soon.

Are you there God? It's me...Kelly

This is exactly how I feel.   

I have totally fallen off the wagon this past oh...geez...6 months.  Ugh.  That's pathetic.  So I will blog some excuses for my behavior but they are really not acceptable in the long run.

You may recall from one of my last posts that I got a new job.  I got a new job that is in a new field.  Well I'm a nurse and I transitioned from being an ER nurse full time to being an ICU nurse full time and an ER nurse part time.  It may seem to some that nursing is nursing and it is to an extent but there are differences in both. 

I was stressing about this job change and the additional at home studying I would need to be successful.  I was in the first week of hospital orientation when I got a phone call from the realtor and 2 1/2 weeks after placing our house on the market it was sold. 

This was definitely not expected as there were several houses on our block that have been for sale and vacant for over a year. 

Oh yeah...my husband got a new job too which required him to be out of town most of the summer.  During the school year he's back to studies and will hopefully graduate within the next two years. 

What do all these lead up to?????  A loss of organization in my life and I've missed it.  I've missed reading my bibles and their unique-ness.  I spoke to a friend tonight who asked how my bible reading and blogging was going.  I told her "Not worth a damn."  (apparently my goal of cussing less has also gone by the wayside) 
She encouraged me to pick it back up and I told her I kinda feel like I need to start over because I don't remember a lot.  She said just pick it back up and you will be surprised what you remember.  She also encouraged me to maybe start back up in the New Testament.  I continue to remain adamant that I will go in order. 
I told her it was like watching the last Lord of the Rings movie first....You just can't do it that way. 

Well I lay here in bed frustrated that Amazon doesn't have my Chronological Bible in the Kindle version and debating on how much it will cost me to get the bible on my ipod for my long commute. 

To all those that read this blog while it was active and worth reading I'm sorry for the past 6 months.  I hope to return to my blogging and reading.  I do want to let you all know that I really appreciate your kind and supportive words. 

 

What's the plan stan???

What's the plan? 
Option A:   Become one of the many people that started to read the bible but fell off somewhere in the middle and never finished.

Option B:  pick up where I left off and attempt to continue down my chronological path behind schedule

Option C:  regroup and form a new plan of attack.  Possibly the Read the bible in 90 days plan.


Verdict??????

Possibly a combination of Option B and C.

Option B because I like the format of chronological and I won't feel  like a failure.  Even if I did option C with no complications I still would be a little disappointed because I didn't complete my goal of reading the bible chronologically.

Option C is a little more popular and even has an audio version on iTunes.  This would be good for me as I accepted a new job with a 45 minute one way commute....this would allow me to listen to the bible.  Something that would 
a. keep me off my cell phone
b. make my drive go by faster
c. help me to achieve my goal


So what are your thoughts?

confession time

I'm not sure I have mentioned this before but I went to a catholic grade school through the 4th grade.  So, while I have led on that I am a religious novice...I have been to church a lot and said a lot of rosary's.  I have also said a lot of hail mary's and our father's after confession.  Why?  Because even as  a child...I cussed.  Sometimes, no one knew except my little hoodlum friends at catholic school.  But on certain Wednesday's the Priest knew what God already knew....I cussed.  I liked to cuss.  I thought it was funny. 
It is interesting to me that so many people have issues with confession to a priest and say to me "you don't have to have anyone communicate to God for you" 
I honestly don't see confession in that way.  It seems a lot of people have issues with confession.  I just see it as being held accountable.  It is much harder telling someone that you know, someone who believes you are trying to be a good "christian/catholic/whatever"  your sins.  God already knows this stuff.  You aren't telling God anything.  You are telling someone a leader of your church that you have failed and that you will try hard not to fail again. 
I believe that if you tell your mistakes out loud to someone that you respect there is much more accountability.  You are much less likely to repeat these same sins.  They are or should be embarassing. 

Well here's my confession to my blogging community...I have failed in my attempt to continue reading the bible.  My life has taken over and parts of me feel like I am so far behind I can't catch up. 
I think I have failed for a few reasons... I have over-analyzed. 
I tend to over-analyze things.  I'm a science based thinker and I like to research things.  That means I like to read multiple versions of the bible and compare/contrast.  I like to research the archaeology to the bible....is this real or just a really good folktale.  I also like to read other summaries, etc about what I've read....this means I was devoting at least 1-2 hours a day to my bible reading quest.  As life took over my studying fell off and here I am over a month later completely disappointed that I've failed in my quest. 
I don't take to failure very well.  Horribly actually.  But there is a little part of me that says I haven't failed completely.....I am still within the year and I could still read my bible.  I just need to change my approach a little. 
Sigh....
I will decide what to do and keep you/my blogging family updated.

Catching up

I'm going to try to catch up on my bible.  I've missed reading. 

Tonight I'm laying here in bed snuggled up to my laptop...

I was reading from Ruth (refreshing my memory of where I was in my readings)
I forgot how much I like this verse but how I never realized it  was spoken to Ruth's mother in law.  I always thought it was to a spouse.  Ok...here's the embarassing part.  I actually thought this was some Native American saying.  I'm not sure why...I never realized this was a biblical verse.  Learning more everyday.

"Where you go I will go, and where you stay I will stay. Your people will be my people and your God my God. Where you die I will die, and there I will be buried. May the LORD deal with me, be it ever so severely, if even death separates you and me.”

Darn it life.....

OK well....here's the skinny on where I've been....

Life has taken over.  I've been super busy.  My school has been wrapping up and taking finals, etc. 
I put my house up for sale.
I'm getting ready for a garage sale.
I got a new job.

Whew.

Lots of stuff going on and I have to admit I've been distracted from reading my bible.  The other thing that totally doesn't help is oneyearbibleonline.com changed it's format and I had to renew and all sorts of other stuff so I don't get my daily link to my reading via email anymore....I need to change that because it was really helpful.

OK.....

Getting motivated again.....

I'll be posting more soon.

Thanks for your patience as life took over momentarily.

Coincidences

I'm not sure if things are a coincidence or if it is just that I have been completely non-observant of the religious world until this year. 
I personally like to think it is divine intervention....haha....well I'm not sure about that but it would be fun to think.

• I find it odd that I have met people that think I'm an inspiration based on my quest and blog
• It's crazy to me that people I have never met know what I'm doing.  I guess I forget that I have a blog putting it out there to the world!! 
• that I met a someone that wrote a book about the bible and he sent me a copy based on our meeting
• that a nice lady I met at the bookstore way in the beginning of my quest recognized me and said she was thinking about checking my blog on her way to work today, thanked me for coming into the store and gave me a hug out of excitement that I was still on my quest.
• NPR happened to have a story on This American Life about a son questioning his faith and quoting versus from the bible that I have already read!
• Odd that the largest private collection of biblical artifacts including bibles will be on display a mere 5 1/2 hours away from me!!!  click here to see the info about the display

So  maybe I'm searching for things here...I don't know.  5 years ago...wait even 2 years ago....I never had a conversation about religion with anyone.  I didn't talk the bible or anything else.  I listened when my husbands family would pray before meals and during the christmas gatherings but until last year when my husband and I had to actually read from the bible I honestly hadn't opened one for more than 15 years (if ever)
I avoided the conversation because I felt it was inappropriate.  I avoided it because I always said "religion and politics are two things you never discuss with friends you want to keep"    Now, I still don't discuss it with them....they discuss it with me.  Mostly all of my friends know what I'm doing and either pop into my blog or will ask me how its going.  Some even ask me about a specific topic...most of the time I'm not there yet!    Just yesterday in the car my best friend said to me "I don't know much about the bible.  There's so much I don't know and I don't feel confident talking about to others"  She said she always feels like what she thinks the bible is saying is not what it is really saying and she's reading it wrong.  Despite my best efforts to encourage her to trust herself..I don't feel I made any progress.  She attends church every Sunday and her kids go to Sunday school and I think she even participates in that and some awanas thing...(I'm not sure what that is) 
I'm confused that someone who attends regularly and actively feels so uneducated about her bible and religion.  I'm sure she knows more than she thinks...It's like I feel like there is so much that I have already forgotten but when I speak with others it just comes back to me. 

I have no idea how many more coincidences will occur over the next year but I can't wait because they are kinda fun!! 

Exciting times ahead

I am looking forward to the summer.  Well, sometime after may 15th actually.  I will be done with my spring semester of school in May and I've been having a lot of difficulty staying motivated.  I am ready to get back to fun. 
My bible reading has slipped this past week due to my husbands brother getting married.  It was a lovely ceremony and I was thrilled to recognize some versus from Genesis that were used in the wedding. 
Even more fun that my father-in-law turned back and smiled at me during the rehearsal when the verses were read.  I just whispered.."I know this one!" 

I did faulter in my efforts to become a better person over the weekend.  I told my husband as we were emptying 5 full bags of table linens looking for a sweatshirt for a guest "I'm tired of good deeds. I need a break"  He just laughed and said "no your not" 
He's right but I wish the sweatshirt would have at least been in one of the bags!

I was taking my Dad to the VA yesterday for his yearly appointment with every department in the facility!  At our final appointment with his new doctor the doctor asked if he takes one of his medicines before or after he returns home from church on sunday's.  I replied "He doesn't go to church. He used to but not anymore."  The doctor then said "so my expectation for you is to return to church and to stop chewing tobacco. Doctors order"  We all laughed and my dad said "well she (pointing at me) and my wife do a bible study but they don't go to church either so I don't have anyone to go with."  This resulted in an entirely too long conversation that evening regarding churches and attendance.  I told him if he wanted to go to church which he said he enjoyed that no one was stopping him but him.  He said he didn't like the priest so I got online and found another church a few miles further with a different priest. He then said "well, your mom doesn't want to go." Then I replied "She doesn't have to go if she doesn't want to.  She went many years without you and if she feels she doesn't need or want to go to church but wishes to study the bible and follow her faith in that way....so be it!"  I think it's getting harder for my dad to argue with me.

Here today I sit....lacking motivation for anything but sleep and surfing the web and what appears....

The largest private collection of bibles to be displayed in Oklahoma City Museum of Art!!!

Just click on the above in purple and it will take you to the OKC Museum website with more details. 

I'm going!!!  It's only going to be a 5 1/2 hour drive and I'm there!!!  It is the private collection of the owner of hobby lobby.  The collection will be on display in Oklahoma City, New York City and Rome. 
Oklahoma City seems a little odd in comparison to the other two locations.....but I'm thrilled because I'd never make it to NYC or Rome despite them being on my wish list.

I think looking at these collections may give me all new inspiration for my other quest to handwrite the bible. 
But for now....I just need to keep reading!

Literally?

I was listening to Public Radio the other day and stumbled across a story that struck my interest.  It was on This American Life which I enjoy.  The topic was knowing when to fold or retreat during big moments in one's life.  It started out with a young man who was raised in an evangelical christian household went away to college to become a pastor, took theology classes and started questioning everything in the bible including it legitimacy.  He argued every point as a literal interpretation.  He brought up the following example.
Joshua 10:12 
On the day the LORD gave the Amorites over to Israel, Joshua said to the LORD in the presence of Israel:
“Sun, stand still over Gibeon,
and you, moon, over the Valley of Aijalon.” 
So the sun stood still,
and the moon stopped,
till the nation avenged itself on its enemies,
as it is written in the Book of Jashar.

The sun stopped in the middle of the sky and delayed going down about a full day. 14 There has never been a day like it before or since, a day when the LORD listened to a human being. Surely the LORD was fighting for Israel!


So I have had this conversation with  many people throughout my reading of the bible...Do you take everything in it literally? 



I am still undecided on this part.  The scientific side of my brain says absolutely.  It is to be taken literally and this also proves or disproves it.
The other side of my brain (I don't have a name for it yet)  says not to take everything literally.  It may be poetically or symbolically written.



How does the NPR story end?  It ends with the son attacking the father about how false his belief system was but instead of the father attacking or becoming defensive he replies (summarized)
father to son  -  I appreciate how much you have learned in school and how independent you have become.  When I found faith I was desperate. I was at an all time low.  Your Mom and I were about to get divorced and I couldn't find a reason to keep living.  I went to the little evangelical church and at first I thought all those people were crazy.  They had their arms in the air, they were yelling and they were hugging eachother. Well, I kept going and eventually I realized something.  These people all genuinely cared for eachother.  I learned about the bible and I learned that it gave me something bigger than me to believe in and a new way to live my life.  Your Mom and I worked through our issues and we became closer.  What is important about faith is how it finds you and how it helps you.

How great is that for an ending?


What do you think?  Literal or not???

The rest of Judges.

I'm reading Judges right now. Chapter 6 introduces us to Gideon, yet another character that dedicates his life to turning the Isrealites back to the Lord.  He dies and as soon as he was dead they were off searching for other Gods to worship.  Ugh.  Seriously These Isrealites are so annoying.  I was discussing with a friend how little patience I have and chapter after chapter of the Isrealites that can't learn I'm not sure how much more I can take!  (Don't forget I'm dramatic.  I'm not going to quit reading but these Isrealites are frustrating!) 

Next...

Abimelech who is one of Gideon's 70 sons..that's right...70 sons.  Talk about a fertile family.  This is kind of ridiculous actually.  However Abimelech was one from a concubine.  He went to his mothers family and convinced them to follow him and to kill Gideon's 70 sons.  So God turns against him and he enters a few battles but what is his final blow??  He traps some people in a tower and a woman (that's right a woman!)  drops an upper millstone on his head.  He pleads to his troops to kill him so it cannot be said that he was killed by a woman....Well, I'm sorry Abimelech but in my opinion (which doesn't really mean anything) you WERE killed by a woman!!

Next...
The Isrealites worship false Gods (again)...are sold into slavery (again) and then beg for forgiveness and rescue from God (again)

Next.....
Samson (The Riddler) is born.  He wants a wife from the Philistines.  He gives them a riddle and places a bet on it.  They cannot solve it so they coax his future wife to find out the answer and tell them.  Since they then know the answer Samson kills 30 people to provide clothes as payment of his bet.  He doesn't end up getting his future bride but ends up in a huge battle with the Philistines.  He kills a thousand of them with a donkey's jawbone and provides yet another charming little riddle about it. He finds a prostitute and stays with her a night (charming)  Then he finds Delilah and falls for her.  The rulers then pay her to find out the key to his strength...so she (being so wise) says to him "Tell me the secret of your great strength and how you can be tied up and subdued."  That doesn't sound suspicious at all. But Samson tells her three different ways he can be tied.  She does so and he breaks free.  She gets mad and bothers him to the point he tells her he has to have his head shaved and all his strength will leave.  So then the Philistines capture him and gouge his eyes out (true love shown by Delilah)  They place him in prison and then bring him out for a show.  He prays to the Lord to allow him to destroy the place the people are in (I picture this as some sort of coliseum)  He ends up tearing down the entire place killing everyone inside including himself. 

Next....
So I've been ambitious and now I'm on Judges 19....

OK...Judges 19:22 "Bring out the man who came to your house so we can have sex with him."  Really???? I thought we were over all this.  What happens...you guessed it....the old man who lives there offers his virgin daughter.  Seriously....again...is this the story of Sodom and Gomorrah again.  Seriously. This is completely messed up.  So they send out the concubine and the daughter where they are raped and abused all night long.  Then in the morning when the Levite is ready to go home he opens the door and there is the concubine at the doorway.  Judges 19:28 "He said to her, "Get up; let's go." But there was no answer. Then the man put her on his donkey and set our for home.  When he reached home, he took a knife and cut up his concubine, limb by limb, into twelve parts and sent them into all the areas of Isreal.  The tribes of Isreal unite against this city.  The Lord aids the victory over the Benjamites.  Then they realize there are no women for the men so they invade Jabesh Gilead and kill every male and woman that is not a virgin.  They are also to kill all children.  These people sound great don't they....just kill people so they can have mates...lovely.

Well that sums up Judges...I'm not really sure what I think.  I don't really think I'm a fan of Judges.  Hummmm
 

Writing Out The Word: Presbyterian Pens Handwritten Bible

Writing Out The Word: Presbyterian Pens Handwritten Bible

This is a very interesting article. I am hoping to create my own handwritten bible starting this year. A few of my ideas regarding execution, etc.

 1. Have people I love or that have contributed in some sort to my biblical experience write their favorite parts of the bible.
2. Divide the books up among smaller journals. For a few reasons - The huge content that must be transcribed, the possibility of having different parts being worked on simultaneously to lessen time in production, increase portability of the bible, Allow for notes or drawings from scribes.
3. I envision this as each scribe taking on their task of re-writing the bible and creating a beautiful piece of writing for not only their own, different connection with God but as a different connection with me.
 4. Embrace errors or mistakes. We are human. I read numerous articles, blogs, etc that had people write on individual pieces of paper and if there were errors they started over. God loves our errors. It's not the error but the journey.
5. I need to/want to find leather bound journals for this task. Do I want lined or unlined? Unlined would allow for drawings, etc. but the writing may be more challenging without lines to follow.

I am sure I will have more thoughts, ideas and challenges as I continue down my path of creating a handwritten bible and if anyone else has ideas or thoughts please let me know!

Beginning Judges.

As we begin Judges according to my handy Chronological Study Bible we enter a new time. A time of great development and transition. Transition from tribes to a nation. The leaders change from tribal divinely appointed judges to a kingdom. In these terms these changes sound exciting. Gods chosen people will develop and advance as a society. The archaeological findings from the Canaanite cities show well built houses, paved floors, cities with public drainage systems and sophisticated pottery. The findings from the Isrealite settlements were very different. The homes were built with crude stones with no uniformity, the art and pottery was crude. According to the Chronological Study Bible this fits with the book of Judges that shows the Isrealites as a poor, oppressed people threatened by the superior cultures that were their neighbors.
As I have started Judges there have been some interesting methods of killing or injuring people. They have cut off thumbs and great toes and have driven tent pegs into the temple of a general. All very interesting however I'm good with not going into any more details. I know this may become a problem for me as I go on with my reading. I saw some previews for The Passion and the violence is one of the reason's I didn't go see it. I am honestly seeing that as one of my major obstacles far more than any boring law parts.

Deborah....who is this Deborah person...She is the first woman I've come across with a significant speech-y type few paragraphs. She's seems like quite the leader. She is a judge for the Isrealites. A female judge, a divinely appointed female judge. Cool. Anyway, She is instructed by God that they need to go to war. She calls to Barak but he won't go without her. (chicken) So she goes. SHE goes to war. OK...I'm really thinking she's pretty cool. She is a judge, God talks to her, and she goes to war because Barak is too chicken to go alone.
So I'm reading in my Women of Faith bible about this...I figured it would be a good resource. What does it go on to say...
It talks about Jael and how she drives the tent peg through Sisera's temple. It mentions that his people were brutally oppressing the Isrealites for years but does that make the way of killing him right? It then goes on to say
"Now God's judgement comes down through the act of a woman. Was the act God's will? Perhaps not. But it did fulfill God's purpose by ending the oppression of Isreal at the hands of the Canaanites."

Really??? Are you seriously saying that this perhaps was not God's will? It seems that he places people for a reason. He seems very deliberate in the people he chooses to do his work. It seems he wanted two women to have active roles. I refuse to accept that this was a mere accident that she happens to be at the tent...oh come on....would the guy walk up to another guy and say "Hey, can I lay down in your tent for a while."

Whatever Women of Faith Bible....I'm going with the thought that God had this planned. He used Deborah and Jael and they acted according to his wishes.  I'm going with the fact that thus far these two women have acted as God has wished and hopefully they won't screw it up like the Isrealites seem to screw up everything!

Is this impending doom?

If you haven't been able to tell from previous posts. I can be dramatic. I'm more dramatic in speech/writing than in person I like to believe.
I like to say 50 people were in line when in actuality it was probably 8 or I like to say impending doom when really I mean dread regarding a topic.

Here's my dread...
I'm reading in my Archaeological Bible tonight about my upcoming book...Judges. As you know I'm reading Chronologically so some of my readings have come from other books such as Psalm or Chronicles so far but the majority is by book. Anyway, I was reading the little summary about Judges and here's a few little sentences from the Introduction that has me worried.

1. "Repeatedly the Isrealites broke their covenant with God, lost sight of their identity as his people and experienced punishment.

Ugh...really Isrealites??? Why do you do this? What is wrong with you people???? I don't get it. God was there with them...how much more divine intervention can you get than being brought out of slavery, provided with land and your success in war being guaranteed and aided by God. You still can't figure out that this is probably the one to follow and to listen to his rules?? Ugh

2. "It was common practice in the ancient Near East to pphysically mutiliate prisoners of war, thereby rendering them unfit for future military service."
- I'm hoping this is just a fun fact to share and not something that will be referenced in Judges...you can probably tell from previous posts that I don't like reading about war, killing or mutiliation. I don't watch it on tv and I don't like to read about it. It is because my imagination is really good. I end up having dreams involving these creepy punishments or wars so I like to avoid these types of things all together.


We will see what Judges has to say.
Happy reading to anyone that is reading along.

You can always find the reading plan and get e-mails sent to your inbox for each of the readings either daily or weekly at www.oneyearbibleonline.com

Another book finished!

I've finished Joshua.
Each time I complete a book I feel a little mental checkmark go off that marks one more thing done. It's this little accomplishment that I'm one book closer to having read the bible. While Joshua had it's points that were disturbing - all the killing, war and plumaging, it also had it's boring parts - land allotment but it was eventually all worth it in the final chapter. Joshua's farewell before I die speech.
Moses and Joshua both have had these big motivational (don't screw up my lifetime of work by continuing to be selfish idiots) speeches before their death.

A few interesting points in the last few chapters of Joshua.

Joshua 22: 10 When they came to Geliloth near the Jordan in the land of Canaan, the Reubenites, the Gadites and the half-tribe of Manasseh built an imposing altar there by the Jordan. And when the Israelites heard that they had built the altar on the border of Canaan at Geliloth near the Jordan on the Israelite side, the whole assembly of Israel gathered at Shiloh to go to war against them.
Joshua 22:24 “No! We did it for fear that some day your descendants might say to ours, ‘What do you have to do with the LORD, the God of Israel? The LORD has made the Jordan a boundary between us and you—you Reubenites and Gadites! You have no share in the LORD.’ So your descendants might cause ours to stop fearing the LORD. “That is why we said, ‘Let us get ready and build an altar—but not for burnt offerings or sacrifices.’ On the contrary, it is to be a witness between us and you and the generations that follow, that we will worship the LORD at his sanctuary with our burnt offerings, sacrifices and fellowship offerings. Then in the future your descendants will not be able to say to ours, ‘You have no share in the LORD.’


This chapter in Joshua is very interesting because the Reubenites built an alter. They said it's purpose was to have a symbol basically to remind them of God's presence. While the other isrealites were ok with this it does not mention if God approves or not. I am curious if this contributed to the formation and concept of churches. Recreating symbols of God's commitment to us, etc. I'm sure it will talk much more about churches but I'm imagining this to be the start of some very crude form of a church/gatehring location/reminder of man's commitment to God.

In Joshua 24:14 "But as for me and my household, we will serve the LORD.”

HEY!!! Something I've heard and read before! Wahoo!
Kind of a cool quote really.

Good way to wrap up Joshua I think!

burning, plumaging and killing....argh

Today I'm behind. I'm covering Joshua 7:1-??? as much as I can to catch up.

Some things are interesting to me. The harsh punishments that are handed out to the Isrealites yet they rarely learn from the mistakes of others. However, everytime I become annoyed with the Isrealites complaining or lack of learning or respecting God's wishes I try to think of people of present day. We lack immensly too. I am quickly annoyed with our society today as well as the Isrealites of the Old Testament. The difference.....God was such a presence for them. He had a big cloud or fire or various other proofs of presence. He doesn't have these obvious signs today.

Joshua 7:25 "Then Joshua said to Achan, “Why have you brought trouble on us? The Lord will now bring trouble on you.” And all the Israelites stoned Achan and his family and burned their bodies. They piled a great heap of stones over Achan, which remains to this day. That is why the place has been called the Valley of Trouble ever since. So the Lord was no longer angry."


While upon first reading I had mixed feelings...Too harsh or appropriate???
While it seemed harsh to stone the entire family I also feel this sets an example for the people regarding the expected behavior. I still find it interesting that these people need examples and reminders to behave.


Joshua 11:9 "Then Joshua crippled the horses and burned all the chariots, as the Lord had instructed."

Being an avid horse-lover I have to say...this verse is kinda harsh to me. Come on....what did the horses do???

Joshua 11:14 And the Israelites took all the plunder and livestock of the ravaged towns for themselves. But they killed all the people, leaving no survivors.

OK....Seriously....Joshua is like a pirate...plundering. It keeps talking about burning, killing, plundering and destroying cities, kings, animals, everything.
So the end tally....31 kings dead....and who knows how many people. I can only imagine the smell of all the burning and rotting flesh of the animals, people, and towns.

Joshua 13 - who gets what....important I guess but not very interesting...
Joshua 14 - more who gets what
Joshua 15 - ditto
Joshua 16 - again...more giving land away
Joshua 17 - ugh...seriously...at least these chapters are short because they are all the same.
Joshua 18 - land allotments
Joshua 19 - guess what......more land allotments

Well I can hardly wait to see what Joshua 20 is....I have a guess.....we will see if it's right or not.

A surprising gift.

When I arrived to work today I had a gift in my box. It was a book written by the bible scholar I had mentioned before. He wrote that it was for me. He is related to one of my co-workers and they said he told them to give the book to "The religious girl named Kelly." They had no idea who that was but since he is a slightly stubborn man of 92 they took the book and said ok. They were baffled at who the religious Kelly was. They asked me about it and I told them I met him and honestly I find it comical that he thinks of me as "the religious Kelly" I wouldn't consider myself that. I guess because right now I am still at the stage of reading and trying to understand the bible. I haven't had that "ah-ha" or overwhelming feeling of sudden faith. I still find people's faith intersting. I'm now into Joshua and the overthrowing of cities and it's interesting the wording used.

Joshua 1:18 "Whoever rebels against your word and does not obey it, whatever you may command them, will be put to death. Only be strong and courageous!”

It seems to me that if one is of a different religion and heard these words they would think they were extremists. The actions that were taken were very harsh and extreme. The taking over of land in the name of the Lord is now considered terrorist activity.
I know that this is different and times were different then and they were acting directly on God's wishes it is just interesting how now people seem to misuse "acting on God's wishes" as an excuse for judgemental and extremist behavior.

Done with the Deut!!!

I thought the day would never come when I was done with the Deut.
Today is that day.
Numbers and Deut. have been tedious for me. I wasn't sure why until I was looking at my handly little bible overview and it said under the descriptions of each one key word...review...that's the problem. I think since I've been reading the bible and truly studying it the review of what I have already studied is tedious. I have a hard time with repetition especially if I have already read it and studied it with great attention. Considering I read most passages several times in multiple different translations/versions reviewing the same thing I have already covered once is challenging.
Well I have discovered a few oddities and new items in Deut.

Deut. 24:16 "Fathers shall not be put to death for their children, nor shall children be put to death for their fathers; a person shall be put to death for his own sin."
This is reassuring however I think this only applies to people punishing people. Especially since God mentioned in Exodus that he would show love to those that showed love to him and followed his commandments for a thousand generations to come.

Deut 24:5 I found humerous and pointed it out to my husband it reads "When a man has taken a new wife, he shall not go to war or be charged with any business; he shall be free at home one year, and bring happiness to his wife whom he has taken." My husband replied "Look how lucky you are you've been happy for 9 years!"

I have finished the Deut!! WAHOO!! Now off to Joshua...I think.

Lead me not into temptation....

Lead me not into temptation....I can find it easily enough on my own.
what is temptation for you? For me...it's a bookstore. My local borders store is closing (tears) and it's now 40-50% off everything in the store. With an additional 10% off for borders rewards members (of course I'm one!)
So....my husbands request for me to not buy anymore bibles....well....it didn't happen. I can't help it.

Hello My name is kelly and I'm an addict.

It was 50% off!! How do you pass that up?

So I got the NIV version of the Women of Faith Study Bible. It's pretty. It's the only girlie bible I have aside from my pink first communion bible that is a NCV (new crazy version)and I don't like it at all!

This bible has nice little quotes from various women authors throughout the years. It's just kinda pretty it doesn't look like this picture because my bible is purple leather. Odd for me...I'm not a purple kind of girl.

I also discovered a really cool app for my iPhone too. The YouVersion of the bible. It has tons of different reading plans for the bible and many different translations you can choose from to read. You can post your favorite versus directly to your facebook or twitter accounts....Best Part??? It's FREE!! It was quite handy to be able to read the bible while I was waiting at the doctors office today!

So technically...I've really fallen off the no more bibles wagon...I now have a new womens bible and a new bible app on my phone.

Recognition is the key to recovery right?